Forced marriage and abusive partnerships – a personal account

In this, the latest in our series of blogs on the subject of domestic abuse (tying in with our ongoing campaign), successful businesswoman Yesmien Bagh Ali (www.amaali.co.uk) discusses suffering from various forms of abuse at the hands of her ex-partner and some family members.

Engaged at 12, married at 16
At age 12, when I returned home from school in Yorkshire, I was greeted by relatives from Pakistan. Within an hour I was dressed in a red bridal outfit and a ceremony was performed for me to be engaged to a much older first cousin. Later at age 16, I was taken, along with many other young girls and boys, to be married off to a cousin I had never seen before.
 
Abuse, divorce, abuse
Eventually, after 14 years of abuse, I got a divorce. Being a divorcee and single woman was extremely challenging, not just physically draining but mentally exhausting. The family and community did not want to know me or my children. The lack of support available and limited understanding in the professional world left me feeling vulnerable and I fell into a trap of a further 8 years in another abusive relationship.
 
Ostracised and shunned
When I spoke out about my experiences of forced marriage and so-called ‘honour based violence’, I was ostracised and shunned by my community. This was very difficult for me and my children, but for my boys in particular. However, I was determined not to leave town.
 
Successful business - against the odds
As a single mum of four, I decided to set up a cookery business. I had limited knowledge and very little education, but I created my own brand, products, and website. I experienced many challenges and abuse from ex-partners, family and the community, but after a while I got requests to appear on TV and have since featured in many live shows on Sky TV and the BBC, and I also go on stage to demonstrate my cooking.
 
Today I am a successful businesswoman - and I share my story to inspire and educate people from various communities and professions.
 
The situation today - and what we can all do
Unfortunately, we have only made a little progress in educating and preventing domestic abuse, forced marriage and so called ‘honour’ based abuse. Today, children are still taken abroad and forced into marriage, and this is also often linked with ‘honour’ based abuse - and can even result in death or serious harm.
 

We must all do more to raise awareness of these kinds of abuse and work together to keep people safe.

For anyone who is experiencing abuse, from a partner or a family member, know that IDAS, the largest specialist charity in Yorkshire supporting anyone experiencing or affected by domestic abuse or sexual violence, is there to support you. They listen and let you know what your options are. They can help to keep you safe.
 

If you are worried about someone you know, don’t wait till they are seriously injured or harmed - contact IDAS, the police, or if you want to remain anonymous, you can of course contact Crimestoppers.

 
As a successful businesswoman, Yesmien Bagh Ali (www.amaali.co.uk) has worked with communities and professional agencies, regionally and nationally, for over 25 years to break down barriers. She has served as an ambassador for various organisations such as IDAS (Independent Domestic Abuse Service), Karma Nirvana, Muslim Women Network UK, Craven Refugees, and Skipton for Social Change.
 
She has planned and facilitated numerous training programmes to prevent the abuse of women and girls, and is one of the few women credited to attend the 57th session of the Commission on the Status of Women at the UN, speaking on VAWAG (Violence Against Women And Girls).